Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
