Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
