Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My life is pants optional.
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