I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
