If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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