I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize