God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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