he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
