Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
