Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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