he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
