Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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