his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
