Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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