Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Send help, water and tortillas.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
