how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
