you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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