i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
