I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
