and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
