I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
