dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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