Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
