Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
