thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
