from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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