3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
