why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize