You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize