Your face is a jimmy john
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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