I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
