yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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