You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
