when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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