omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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