I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
