Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My vagina is very pro this idea
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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