oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
