I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
