On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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