I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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