okay pat passed out under dana's car
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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