This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
