Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
