Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have post one night stand depression
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
