What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
