He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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