he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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