I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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