We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My boob is missing a layer of skin
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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