life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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