I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
