dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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