Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
