It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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