Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
