Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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