you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
