he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
