you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
