My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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