oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
