You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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