How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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