i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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