Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize