at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
accomplished twins. life is a go
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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