the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
