Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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