you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
