Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize