I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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