the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
