Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
