I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
