My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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